Ko Phi Phi

After two reasonably uneventful hours sailing we reached our destination: Ko Phi Phi. The only noteworthy happening was that of some freak show breaking into the toilet whilst I was wiping my arse, not of concern to me but I’m sure the impatient idiot won’t be repeating his actions again in the near future.

Upon arrival we cut our way through the swarm of hotel prospectors and began hunting down an adequately priced place to lie for three nights. We were looking for any place that wasn’t excessively overpriced which, for Ko Phi Phi, a tourist Mecca, is excruciatingly difficult. To compound our problems the heavens decided to open and the receptionist’s promise of a multitude of storms was becoming worthy of scripture. Darting into a nearby restaurant to take shelter we decided to send Paul on a reconnaissance mission to Long Beach; the location of Lonely Planet approved accommodation (gosh we’re adventurous).

Long Beach was located down the coast from the main ‘city centre’ area and was only accessible by a taxi-boat. Saving cash we decided that just one of us should check the area out and text message the results back. I passed Paul my phone and told him to SMS back with details of the area. After forty minutes I received a message:

“One rom for 3 1600 1 nite w con tmw Cost 1400 for 1 and get 2 fan 4 600. Seems ok”

We replied:

“How many bars? Is it secure? Hotel or hostel? Entertaiment? How long did the boat ride take? A lot of people around?"

To which we received:

“pls com Is nice not sure bars v wet”

Then without prompting a cryptic:

“I don’t know ring please com”


We had no idea what he was on about and replied with further questions only to receive another nonsensical reply. It was at this point I remembered Paul has no idea how to use a non Nokia phone and even more problems with predictive text, normally I wouldn’t be too fussed but each message was costing me 50p and after five messages, each requiring an enigma device to decode, he was beginning to piss me off.

Me and Pez hopped on a taxi boat and took to 10minute ride to Long Beach. Exiting the small boat with a 20kg backpack was somewhat difficult and having to climb across a further three decks to reach the precariously placed ladder to the jetty was no fun. The heavens opened again just to worsen the situation by making the boats extra slippy.

Upon reaching dry land and following a 10minute trek down the beach I found the hotel and we booked in for a night. After all this hassle the rain continued throughout the day, and, most of the night. A swim was the only sensible option because even after a ten yard walk I was drenched, if you can’t beat them, join them. Them being the droplets of H₂0 that were permeating my soul. Long Beach being so devoid of activity frustrated me, I was amazed that so many people could sit, like drones, watching ‘The Beach’ simply because it was filmed here, the film sucks people! Contemplating the continuation of this weather depressed me, I wasn’t optimistic of change as I hit the sack; three days of storms down, one to go.


Some loser and, in the background, Ko Phi Phi.


The next day was much better, we left Long Beach and head towards the city centre. It was great over there; lots of restaurants, hotels, bars, activities and, most importantly, no drones watching ‘The Beach’. We happily checked into a hotel and then hiked the vertical 600 metres to conquer Ko Phi Phi's viewpoint. In the baking sun this wasn't an easy feat but after 30 minutess and numerous 'Tsunami Evacuation Route' signs we made it. The view from up there was brilliant, definitely worth the sweaty trek.


Perhaps in poor taste? Me fleeing the incoming Tsunami.



Ko Phi Phi Beach: Spectacular.

The next day was our adventure day; we booked ourselves on a 6 hour snorkeling and kayaking adventure. The boat gently chugged out of the harbour, which, in actual fact was simply a wooden pier, at 14:30 and so began our 6 hours of fun.

First stop: Monkey Beach. Wow, monkeys. I haven’t seen those before. I guess traveling through India for 7 weeks removes the interest in our bipedal cousins. More interesting than the monkeys was that we could jump off the roof of the boat into the sea. From an elevation of no more than 7 metres and with substantial fear I was able to summon the courage to take the plunge. I really cannot remember when I became such a wuss and jumping from such a miniscule height scared me so much; to conquer my fears I repeated the feat. Me big strong man, see me jump, watch in awe.

After plunging into the water I got kitted up for snorkeling. I thought it would be easy to submerge my face and breathe through a snorkel; this wasn’t the case. I’m not sure what was scaring me but I’m sure it was simple: I shouldn’t be able to breathe underwater and being able to do so was confusing my little brain. After 30 minutes of practice I was an aqua man and able to inspect the diversity of marine life: Coral, tropical fish and rocks. I really enjoyed snorkeling and was disappointed when we were called back to the boat, as they say though: All good things…


The final stop of our day was to visit Maya Beach, the location of the film ‘The Beach’. We eventually got to shore but not after a bitch of a journey. Our party of 30 were equipped with 5 kayaks and one small boat, capacity five, to get us all to the beach. We waited until last to boat the boat; women and children first. The problem was that when it was our turn there were still six of us left. With one Kayak left me and Paul decided to be helpful and sit on that and be pulled to shore rather than wait for the boat to return again.

This journey was not simple! Each time the tow line between the boat and kayak became tense the force overturned the kayak. After ten minutes of this debacle the boat man gave up and said he would return for us. Forty five minutes after the first party landed on the beach me and Paul were left stranded in the middle of the ocean with a kayak. Amazingly I wasn't too annoyed and managed to see the funny side; this didn't last long. When we finally hit dry land the sun had beguin its descent and we were given approximately 15 minutes to appreciate the perfection of our location before being rounded up to leave. I felt rather aggreived with the situation but looking back on it I suppose the tour operators had to be back by a certain time and the schedule was more important than two British guys value for money. That evening I slept well after an extremely tiring day, I needed the sleep because the next day we left early for Phuket.


Maya Beach. A shit photo because it was so dark when we finally arrived.



A slightly better photo of Maya beach.