Thursday 31 May 2007

2 days of torture

Finally arrived in Luang Prabang, Laos after two of the most torturous days on the slowest boat ever. Spending 6 hours yesterday and 8 today on what in all fairness was labelled 'Slow Boat' was horrid. As usual out here they oversell the tickets and squash far too many people in a boat to make a few extra dollars.

In fact, I've really lost the motivation for blogging.


Torture Boat

Monday 14 May 2007

Ko Phi Phi

After two reasonably uneventful hours sailing we reached our destination: Ko Phi Phi. The only noteworthy happening was that of some freak show breaking into the toilet whilst I was wiping my arse, not of concern to me but I’m sure the impatient idiot won’t be repeating his actions again in the near future.

Upon arrival we cut our way through the swarm of hotel prospectors and began hunting down an adequately priced place to lie for three nights. We were looking for any place that wasn’t excessively overpriced which, for Ko Phi Phi, a tourist Mecca, is excruciatingly difficult. To compound our problems the heavens decided to open and the receptionist’s promise of a multitude of storms was becoming worthy of scripture. Darting into a nearby restaurant to take shelter we decided to send Paul on a reconnaissance mission to Long Beach; the location of Lonely Planet approved accommodation (gosh we’re adventurous).

Long Beach was located down the coast from the main ‘city centre’ area and was only accessible by a taxi-boat. Saving cash we decided that just one of us should check the area out and text message the results back. I passed Paul my phone and told him to SMS back with details of the area. After forty minutes I received a message:

“One rom for 3 1600 1 nite w con tmw Cost 1400 for 1 and get 2 fan 4 600. Seems ok”

We replied:

“How many bars? Is it secure? Hotel or hostel? Entertaiment? How long did the boat ride take? A lot of people around?"

To which we received:

“pls com Is nice not sure bars v wet”

Then without prompting a cryptic:

“I don’t know ring please com”


We had no idea what he was on about and replied with further questions only to receive another nonsensical reply. It was at this point I remembered Paul has no idea how to use a non Nokia phone and even more problems with predictive text, normally I wouldn’t be too fussed but each message was costing me 50p and after five messages, each requiring an enigma device to decode, he was beginning to piss me off.

Me and Pez hopped on a taxi boat and took to 10minute ride to Long Beach. Exiting the small boat with a 20kg backpack was somewhat difficult and having to climb across a further three decks to reach the precariously placed ladder to the jetty was no fun. The heavens opened again just to worsen the situation by making the boats extra slippy.

Upon reaching dry land and following a 10minute trek down the beach I found the hotel and we booked in for a night. After all this hassle the rain continued throughout the day, and, most of the night. A swim was the only sensible option because even after a ten yard walk I was drenched, if you can’t beat them, join them. Them being the droplets of H20 that were permeating my soul. Long Beach being so devoid of activity frustrated me, I was amazed that so many people could sit, like drones, watching ‘The Beach’ simply because it was filmed here, the film sucks people! Contemplating the continuation of this weather depressed me, I wasn’t optimistic of change as I hit the sack; three days of storms down, one to go.


Some loser and, in the background, Ko Phi Phi.


The next day was much better, we left Long Beach and head towards the city centre. It was great over there; lots of restaurants, hotels, bars, activities and, most importantly, no drones watching ‘The Beach’. We happily checked into a hotel and then hiked the vertical 600 metres to conquer Ko Phi Phi's viewpoint. In the baking sun this wasn't an easy feat but after 30 minutess and numerous 'Tsunami Evacuation Route' signs we made it. The view from up there was brilliant, definitely worth the sweaty trek.


Perhaps in poor taste? Me fleeing the incoming Tsunami.



Ko Phi Phi Beach: Spectacular.

The next day was our adventure day; we booked ourselves on a 6 hour snorkeling and kayaking adventure. The boat gently chugged out of the harbour, which, in actual fact was simply a wooden pier, at 14:30 and so began our 6 hours of fun.

First stop: Monkey Beach. Wow, monkeys. I haven’t seen those before. I guess traveling through India for 7 weeks removes the interest in our bipedal cousins. More interesting than the monkeys was that we could jump off the roof of the boat into the sea. From an elevation of no more than 7 metres and with substantial fear I was able to summon the courage to take the plunge. I really cannot remember when I became such a wuss and jumping from such a miniscule height scared me so much; to conquer my fears I repeated the feat. Me big strong man, see me jump, watch in awe.

After plunging into the water I got kitted up for snorkeling. I thought it would be easy to submerge my face and breathe through a snorkel; this wasn’t the case. I’m not sure what was scaring me but I’m sure it was simple: I shouldn’t be able to breathe underwater and being able to do so was confusing my little brain. After 30 minutes of practice I was an aqua man and able to inspect the diversity of marine life: Coral, tropical fish and rocks. I really enjoyed snorkeling and was disappointed when we were called back to the boat, as they say though: All good things…


The final stop of our day was to visit Maya Beach, the location of the film ‘The Beach’. We eventually got to shore but not after a bitch of a journey. Our party of 30 were equipped with 5 kayaks and one small boat, capacity five, to get us all to the beach. We waited until last to boat the boat; women and children first. The problem was that when it was our turn there were still six of us left. With one Kayak left me and Paul decided to be helpful and sit on that and be pulled to shore rather than wait for the boat to return again.

This journey was not simple! Each time the tow line between the boat and kayak became tense the force overturned the kayak. After ten minutes of this debacle the boat man gave up and said he would return for us. Forty five minutes after the first party landed on the beach me and Paul were left stranded in the middle of the ocean with a kayak. Amazingly I wasn't too annoyed and managed to see the funny side; this didn't last long. When we finally hit dry land the sun had beguin its descent and we were given approximately 15 minutes to appreciate the perfection of our location before being rounded up to leave. I felt rather aggreived with the situation but looking back on it I suppose the tour operators had to be back by a certain time and the schedule was more important than two British guys value for money. That evening I slept well after an extremely tiring day, I needed the sleep because the next day we left early for Phuket.


Maya Beach. A shit photo because it was so dark when we finally arrived.



A slightly better photo of Maya beach.

Sunday 13 May 2007

Krabi

After a 10 hour bus ride from Kuala Lumpur we arrived at the Thai border and faced the gruelling task of entering the land of smiles. The queue to enter the country was short, no more than 60 people, however, the immigration officer decided to take perverse pleasure in prolonging the experience and ensuring a 60 person queue took 90 minutes to clear. Normally this wouldn't really bother me, despite what you think of, but on this morning, after no sleep or food I didn't enjoying standing up for such a extensive period. When I finally arrived at the front of the queue the procedure was swift, it took no more than 30 seconds to add the 4th stamp to my passport, heaven knows what was holding the queue up.

Once through immigration we faced another 6 hours on the bus to get to Hat Yi, a small interchange town from where all of Thailand is accessible. It was here we picked up our connecting bus to Krabi. What an devilish journey this turned out to be; 5 hours squashed into a bus which could only have been designed by a dwarf taking revenge on normally sized peopleKrabi. I really wanted to sleep but each time my head drifted backwards it dropped over the back of the neck rest, a neck rest which I commend for its fine work supporting my upper back. Eventually I gave up because I was getting whiplash.


Krabi is the capital of Krabi province, usually tourists stay for a night or two before moving on to the surrounding islands to snorkell or partake in other wrorldly pleasures. Us on the otherhand decided to take five nights there, partly because we arrived far too early and secondly because we were meeting Pez who was flying out on the 8th May. The five nights were enjoyable and we met a good few characters, I especially enjoyed chatting to Bob, the ultra conservative American. He wasn't quite the gun toting Texan redneck but didn't tolerate people who strayed too far from his political alignment. His introduction was:

"I'm Bob, from the right"

I should have been adventurous and introduced myself as Mark from the Left but that would have only caused complications and added unnecessary friction to any proceding conversation. Proudly I did bring up Iraq and told him it was shit idea, the corresponding death glare I received wasn't pleasant but last time I checked the UK was still a free country; soon to be freer on June 27th.

It was in Krabi Manchester United won the EPL, as it is called here, English Premier League for those of you not in the know. We sat down to watch a boring derby match but the result was all that mattered and because it was fitting we get pissed. Similar story the next day, Chelsea could only draw with Arsenal so we were champions, fuckin' A.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the bar we were frequenting had the poorest excuse of a Ladyboy working behind the bar; I mean it's a poor excuse anyway but this was blatent. A big fat jaw and stubble surely couldn't confuse even the most desperate sex starved perverted tourists. It sure was funny watching her? walking around serving the drinks, imagine any bloke you know fitting himself into high heels and drinking 2 bottles of red wine and, upon instruction, get up and stumble comically around the room. I had a good chuckle, haha.

The next day we took a bus to Ao Nang beach, 20km from Krabi town, upon arrival it began to rain. It proceeded to rain heavier so we took shelter and got some lunch. It continued to rain and got even heavier, it was beginning to feel as though the monsoon had arrived early, if not monsoon then at least a minor hurricane. This continued all day so we decided to scarper. Upon arrival back as the hostel the receptionist promised us 4 days of rainstorms; brilliant.


Escaping the Ao Nang rainstorm, not pictured, the rain.


Pez arrived on the 8th and we went out for a few drinks. We found an awesome reggae bar, reggae bars appear frequently here, and dived in for a few games of pool. I went unbeaten for 6 matches which was an absolute miracle considering I couldn't focus when looking above my glasses; because they fell down my nose, not because I was pissed, yet. I even beat the shark of the bar, Pond, he must have been having an off night. After a few beers and White Russian cocktails we, and the other punters, nine of us in total, were treated to a few free shots from the bar owner, Wood. It was a great place to be and the vibrant, alcohol induced, atmosphere, was hard to detatch ourselves from but, come 2am we decided we had to leave. We had an early ferry to board to Ko Phi Phi, a beautiful island totally destroyed by the Tsunami of 2004. I'll write more about this in a later entry.


Pond takes defeat with a smile, beer and ciggie.


Having become so slack with my blog recently it took a lot of energy to type this, even more so when I hit the stupid power button on the keyboard and lost all my typing. Why do they put those stupid buttons on a keyboard? Somebody from work please tell me, they are frigging annoying!

Wednesday 2 May 2007

Singapore and Malaysia

Upon arrival in Singapore the first thing I noticed was the cleanliness, after India it was heaven. This is a country in which chewing gum can only be purchased in chemists and the penalty for depositing it on the pavement is a brief spell in prison. The city was so clean and well organised that at times it had the feel of a ghost town; an impressive feat with a 4.5 million population.

We arrived on Paul's birthday so ended up going out and getting drunk; not a cheap past time when one litre of beer comes to 6.50GBP, it was highway robbery. One robbery would usually be enough to teach you a lesson but because Man Utd played in the Champions League semi final the next night it was essential to head out again. We scoured the bars looking for an establishment that would be screening the crucial match. A kick off time of 02:45 made this a problem but eventually we found a bar and settled in. After 45minutes the helpful landlord shut up shop and we had to run around Singapore looking for the second half. Luckily we found a place and witnessed an amazing second half: I fell off my chair when Rooney slammed home the winner.

Nothing much more happened in Singapore; after two late nights and 3pm rises the final day was a write off so we caught the early bus to Kuala Lumpur.

I haven't had a good old moan about anything for a while so i'll address the buses. Daytime temperatures of 35oC make A/C a requirement but because the driver is limited to Cold or Freezing the journey is very uncomfortable. After trying with limited success to jam tissue paper into the vents I decided grab my sleeping bag and curl up for a sleep. Result! Partial success, but any exposed skin will freeze and I awoke from my slumber with a chill which, two days later, developed into a cold. This transformed me into a stroppy pants for 3 days and ruined my trip to the rainforest. Anyway, thats all I want to moan about; the buses: They suck!

Five and a half hours later we arrived in KL, the bag monkey on the coach snatched the microphone and began an audio tour; a thrilling dispatch that informed me of 4 buildings in Kuala Lumpur and where I could buy knocked off watches, T-shirts and so on. The 4 buildings were:
1. The old airport, no longer in service. Whoa! I was primed.
2. To your right the American Embassy, the most heavily guarded embassy in the world, I saw two police cars and only 2 coppers. I guess it's a muslim country though so he's probably correct.
3. To your right the 'insert name' building, similar to the CN tower in Toronto except "this one not so tall no"
4. The Petronas twin towers. These didn't actually look very magnificent, I was expected a whoa factor similar to when I first cast eyes on the Empire State; guess i'm too much of a seasoned explorer now, hahaha. "You wake early and queue to climb to linking bridge for tourists. Queue from 7.30 and first slots open at 8.30, you will be assigned time yes, bridge closed at 16:30. If you wish to walk between the towers get there early and not on a Monday."
5. A hidden extra sight. Having stopped at the first hotel on the journey we swung back around to see, from the left window this time, "American Embassy, most heavily guarded embassy in world". I was in awe, three coppers this time. Respect!

Our time in Kuala Lumpur has seen a continuation of the drinking session we began in Singapore, and, at a slightly lower price. Upon arrival in our hostel we immediately met an English lad named Rich and an Ozzy named Cal. Add 3 Irish fellas: Craig, Evan and Mikey plus a Malaysian: Harold or Arru (i'm still unsure), a lot of beer and that pretty much brings you up to date. Each and every one were top lads and we formed a bit of a lads club with evenings usually extending well past 4am.


I guess we did do some touristy work whilst here, we visited the 'insert name' tower and zipped up to the skylobby to view Kuala Lumpur from 400m and had a walk about the feet of the Petronas Towers. On closer inspection the Petronas look pretty
swazzydar but I was expecting them to be taller.


View of Kuala Lumpur from the 'insert name' tower.



Me looking somewhat aloof and some towers.